The Jon-aquin.

My neighbor Jonathan clued me in to something the other day. He didn't even know of the existence of this blog at the time, but after he told me what I am about to share with you, I assured him that it was profoundly important that he immediately e-mail me photos so I could expose this new doppelgänger trick to the public. Please be warned, what you are about to see has me at a level of terror heretofore unexperienced in my short but eventful time in my service to the cause of Doppelmänia.

Here is Jonathan and his Jon-aquin:



Assessing how absolutely terrifyingly much it looks like him:



Tricking the Jon-aquin into thinking he loves it instead of fearing and loathing it:



You can see the malice in its stare:



So there it is. It's a whole new level now. They are toying with us. I don't know what the plan is here, or what's next, but I urge everyone to inspect every mannequin they come upon, to scan every single store window display for doppelqüins of people they know. We must be prepared for whatever they decide to spring on us next.

Holy Shit.

This is from a list of "10 Creepy Machines from Robot Hell" that I am reading, for reasons not entirely clear, at 9:09 am on this rainy Friday morning. The caption next to this video says:

"Geminoid: Designed as a realistic, robotic doppelganger for Hiroshi Ishiguro, a professor at Osaka University, the Geminoid can be remote controlled from anywhere—allowing the professor to, essentially, be in two places at once. [Wired]"

ROBOTIC DOPPELGÄNGER. Think about that. We have just entered a new level of terror.

Pathetic.

I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but it's not because I've been slacking off. Granted, it has been my Spring Break, which means I am still working but not attending school for a week and a half. But that isn't why there haven't been any postings. Simply stated, I haven't seen any dops. Maybe they have gotten wind of this site and are specifically avoiding me because they know I will expose them for the whole world (and by whole world, I mean the three of you who read this) to see.

I think this means that we all need to be extra-vigilant in the days to come. I fear there is a dopstorm a' brewin'.

Dop Search

First of all, I should say that I didn't find any dops in the D. R. I did get a tan, and about 50 bruises...so it looks like I've been fighting dops all week long.

But today I want to talk about an important new tool in searching out doppelgängers. There is a Facebook group devoted to it!

FIND YOUR LOOK-ALIKE IN THE WORLD: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=66706361078&ref=share

At first I thought this must be a trap for the doppelgängers to find us. They do have a history of infiltrating some of the most popular entertainment spheres. However, after thinking about it for, oh I don't know, 30 seconds, I decided to risk it and join anyway. Maybe my vacation and subsequent breakdown upon my return have given me a new, less cautious outlook on life. Maybe if we all join we can get to know our doppelgängers and neutralize this war between us. Maybe getting to know our doppelgängers and forming a peaceful existence with them is essential to our evolution as humans, like on BSG with the cylons. Or, maybe someone will get mad about someone else's dopplegänger killing their stupid ugly wife and the whole fragile truce will end in a flaming inferno of gunfire and blood.

I guess we'll see what happens.

Dominican Doppublic

The day after tomorrow, I will be leaving for my vacation in the Dominican Republic. Before you become outraged at the abandonment of my post for a week of sun and alcohol, and begin desperately gibbering about who will save you from the doppelgängers while I tan, pleasure read, ride horses on the beach, engage in non-motorized water sports and eat and drink as much as I want as per the all-inclusive package I have purchased, please be calm. No matter what else I am doing, I am ALWAYS on the lookout for doppelgängers. Don't you think they exist in other countries?? And with the high rate of emigration from the Dominican Republic to the U.S., your Dominican Doppelgänger could be preparing to move here as we speak!! Think about it: you are pale, run down, disgusted and depressed from the long, cold winter. Your muscles are atrophied from months of hiding under blankets. You are in a weakened state that your doppelgänger is just waiting to prey on! If he or she has been living in the Dominican Republic all this time, growing strong playing baseball in the life-giving rays of sunshine and bathing in the warm, calm waters of the Caribbean, you are at a major disadvantage and in much danger!!!!

That is why I am going on this trip. Relaxation? Yes. But also, reconnaissance. In my absence, I urge you all to be vigilant, but rest assured: I will find these doppelgängers and expose them before they can come to our country and hunt you down. My powers of observation will be at their sharpest with no work or school to distract me. For example, I was reading the Wikipedia page about the Dominican Republic during my pre-trip research and I noticed a very important clue: their currency, the Dominican Peso, is abbreviated "DOP".

More American Doppels

We all know that doppelgängers are tricksy. But I didn't realize until recently just how tricksy. I thought it was a fairly bold move when they placed one of their own on the most popular show on TV, but now I have discovered that one was hiding there in the open all this time!

Randy Jackson, as you may or may not know, played with Journey for a short time back in the day. During that time, he looked just like the dude from the future in "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure". Since then, Jackson has changed his style drastically, shaving off the signature flattop hair and putting on a couple hundred pounds. Do you see the lengths that people will go to escape their doppelgängers?!



moar funny pictures

doppelsübmission

Apparently I tapped into something pretty intense in my friend Corey with this blog. Last week I received this doppelsübmission from him:


moar funny pictures

Although I can see a vague resemblance, I don't really think the Sun Maid is my doppelgänger, especially given that she is a cartoon character created to shill raisins. Nonetheless, I appreciate the heads up. We should all be on guard for any and all possibilities of doppelgängers. It could be that while the Sun Maid herself is not one, she may be based on a doppelgänger of mine that is acquainted with someone in the SunMaid advertising department! Another lesson that we should take from this is that it can very difficult to spot your own dopp; lacking objectivity about your own appearance can cause you to focus on differences, not resemblances, and this could put you in danger. It is good to have friends who are on constant alert for your dops. You should have their backs as well.

Also, despite my questioning of Corey's first submission, I truly admire his commitment to the doppelcause. I'd like to share an excerpt from his e-mail to me:

"Clearly your work is an important first step, but there are so many out there undiscovered. Additionally, there are fundamental questions whose answers elude us. Are we all dopplegangers? Do tracing dopplegangers teach us about our beginnings?...I will make regular submissions. Is it possible that the CIA is also dopplestudying? The environment is taxed, nations are bankrupt and food is scarce. In order to simultaneously survive and maintain genetic diversity we need to eliminate redundity. Only one among a doppleset is doppleworthy and the other(s) is just a drag. So the government has to pick one dopplesurvivor and then allow the rest to doppledie. We need to identify our dopplegangers and be more worthy than them before they get us. But I fear some will choose the doppledarkside and resort to murder to eliminate their doppletition."

These are questions that I urge to you all consider today.